Friday, July 6, 2007

What is the next step?

Chuck came to me the other day and told me that this pissing contest that Bonnie, my dad's wife, and I have had over the last 5 months has gone on long enough.

Ok, so now what? I am willing to make peace, maybe. But I am willing to give it a shot. But what goes through my head? Everytime I think about the way that she talked to me, the way she called me names, the way that she treated me, the way she treated the boys, it just makes me very leary of her and her ways.

I have blogged about this before, so y'all know the hell that she has given to me. Not only about the big things, but over an 1" piece of fudge that I gave my dad (how dare I) or the borrowing of a crockpot. Those are the things that go through my head.

So, I talked to my dad today. I told him about me wanting to talk to her. Of course it is good for him, because the 2 women in his life are gonna be "friends" again. Oh, I wouldn't go that far. But in his world, he will view it like that.

I told him that if she ever talks to me that way EVER again, I am through with her, with him and with everyone that is involved with her. See, the stress level in my house since February has been nill to none. We don't argue about my dad anymore or about his bitchy wife.

He informed me that I have ignored her while talking to him. I don't think so, because I am not that type of person. I am very friendly and I enjoy being around people. Even if I don't care for you, I will not make it evident that I don't like you!

Ok, so let me get this straight. I make breakfast for 5 people every Sunday morning. A breakfast that consists on nearly a pound of bacon, 9 eggs, toast or biscuits, coffee for me, postum for my dad (he is not allowed to have coffee), milk and juice for the boys, tea for Bonnie. Ok, everyone's eggs are made differently, I am a short order cook! Slice the loaf of bread that my dad walks in the house with, get the table ready (the boys do help), ketchup for the home fries potatoes, spoons, silverware and napkins. Yes, this is what Sunday mornings were like for me. So, if I ignored you, I am freaking SORRY! Because I am freaking worn out sister! I never saw her lift a finger to help, nope, not to boil the water for the postum or tea, not to help with the clean up. Not with anything, and she is gonna bitch that I ignored her. I don't think so, 'cause I really don't care.

So, I am willing to make the move to talk to her. I told my dad this, and he told me that she was gonna call me last week, but he told her not to. Gee thanks, that makes me feel as if I am the bad guy here. I was the one told to grow up, I was the one told that I was a liar, I was the one told that I was nothing but a worthless spoiled rotten brat.

I put this aside and wipe the slate clean, I hope I can. But I know me. People who know me, know that this will be hard to do. Because in less than 3 years I have known her, I have been put down more than complimented.

I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say, I don't know how to handle her anymore. The relationship that my dad and I have is no longer there. I think I am only doing this for the boys. They need to know that they have a grandfather. They need that relationship. But do I? I don't know any longer. I don't know if I have the patience to deal with that anymore. It is a tough situation and I am really stumped right now.

Do I open that door to let her back in? If I do, is it all the way? Do I forgive her for all her comments, doings, words to hurt me and the boys? Do I let that stress back in my life?

Chuck said that he doesn't care if never sees her again. He doesn't care if she ever comes over again. So, why, tell me, am I to forgive her? Make no sense to me.

They already have plans for Thanksgiving, they are going to Jimmy Swaggart's in Baton Rouge. They already have plans for Christmas, they are going to her son's in Alabama. So, she already moved on in her life. But do I need to be the bigger person here? I guess so. And now my dad said that since I brought it up, I need to make the phone call. I don't know about all that, I am not ready for that. I am willing to meet half way. But not any further.

I am confused. I have to watch out for my family, but if I don't do this my dad has to walk on egg shells for the rest of his days. I don't know what to do! I am so happy without her, the boys are so happy knowing she isn't coming around. Chuck has no stress because he doesn't have to worry about her causing any problems in my life or in the boys' lives.

I am confused, it is 6 in one hand, half dozen in the other.

Any advice is welcomed!