Saturday, June 23, 2007

Just one more day

I sat at my desk on a bleary Sept morning reading the Sunday paper. I pulled out the Parade magazine and noticed the cover, "If you had just one more day...." MItch Albom's new book For One More Day.
So, being the reader that I am, I decided to read that one article. I am glad that I did. After reading the article the thoughts went rushing through my head. What would I do with a person, who would it be, how would I feel? All these things went through my head. And then I looked at the calendar, Sept 18, wow, this came out on Sept 17. The day that my mom died 39 years earlier.
So, I knew who I would want to spend one more day with. Now what would I do? How would I spend my little bit of time with her? It took a lot of thought, and so very many tears, but I came up with everything. And for me to sit here and do this is hard not to tear up. But I wanted to share, maybe because I wanted it somewhere.
I would probably not sleep, so I would be up waiting, nervous, but excited too. She wouldn't have to worry about knocking on the door, because I would be outside waiting for her arrival.
As soon as she got there, I would hug her and hold her not wanting to turn loose. She would wipe the tears away my tears, just to see the joy in my eyes to have the chance to hold her once more.
I would have tea ready and maybe something that I made. I would sit her at the kitchen table, because in our house, that is where the best conversations have taken place. I would let her know how much I have missed her and how much has happened in my life since she has been gone. I would still have the tears in my eyes,because of the moment in my life that would be happening to me.
I would tell her all about my family now, tell her how happy I am, tell her all about Chuck and the boys. They would, of course meet her, talk to her, be able to touch and hug her.
I would show her all the stuff that I have learned how to do, show her the things that I have made. Then I would have her bake and cook with me, just like mother and daughter should.
I would listen to her stories of when she was a little, what was it like growing up in Brooklyn, the many stories of her and my dad. I have heard the one side, I would want to hear the other side too. I would love to know all about school, high school days, college days, life as she saw it. I wouldn't waste it on any of the bad things that I do know about her. For this is not this time, it is my time to enjoy the good things that I didn't have a chance to know about with her.
I would sit and watch the clock. Knowing that the time is approaching for her to leave me again. But I know that I still have time to spend with her. And there wouldn't be a minute wasted. I would cherish each second, knowing that before I know it, she would be gone.
I don't believe I would leave the house. I believe that we would sit there, no tv on, no phones ringing, no radio in the background. Just the sound of the boys playing, her breathing like she never left, and those awkward silences. To just treasure the thought that I have her for one more day.
I can feel my heart dropping as I think of the time that she has to go. And it is now that time, for her to put her cup in the sink, for her to turn around and say good bye forever. I hold her and pray that I don't have to let go. I hug and weep, I look at her, and hug again, never wanting to let go. But I have to, because it is time to leave again. This time is forever, no more second chances to say what if. I lose her again in life. The second time is hardest.
Cherish all those moments in life. Yes, my mother was not a good woman. She was violent and mean to people. But this was about me missing her so much as a MOM! I missed out, but if I had just one more day I know exactly how it would be spent, and with whom it would be spent. I wouldn't waste time, but take every second as a gift from God.
Who would you spend that one more day with? What would you do? I know what one of my friends would do. But what would do, would you spend it absorbing every word, every minute, every breathe. What would you say? What kind of emotions would well up inside of you?
For me, it would be very emotional. I know I we will never get one more day with the person that has passed on, or the ones that lay in a nursing home, we will never have that chance. But I know what I would do, I wouldn't take advantage of the moment.
I don't live everyday like it is my last,but I know that if something happened to either one of my boys or to Chuck tomorrow, I would have no regrets. I would miss them terribly. But I would know that I was the best wife, mother and person to them.
I can only pray for one more day...........