Thursday, January 10, 2008

Getting on with life

We all have suffered losses in our lives. It is very hard to go through the death of a loved one. I don't care if you didn't care for either one of your parents, when they are gone, they are gone. And even though you may have separated yourself from them, it still hurts.
But when death comes quickly, it seems harder to deal with. Any death is hard on anyone that has a heart.
A little over a year ago, a dear friend lost her 18 yr old son to a very tragic car accident. This young man was every mother's dream. Never caused any problems, was always well behaved, never gave them anything to worry about. Typical kid in the aspect of not listening or cleaning the room, but other than that, he was an excellent student, very responisible, very polite and mannerly, athletic, basically a well-rounded child. And he was a child that the parents should be extremely proud of. And they were. He was an only child, loved very deeply by his parents, admired by his friends, recognized in the community.
He worked at the local grocery store, so the boys not only saw him in church but they would also insist on seeing him when we would go shopping. They had a blast with him, PJ would attempt to wrestle this kid that was 11 yrs older than him. It was funny. To this day, they still miss him dearly.
I was shopping at the store where he had worked and I spotted his dad. So, I decided to chat with him for a few minutes. Asked how he was doing, he told me that it is hard, but he realized that he had to get on with life. He misses his son dearly, they were a very close family. I then asked about his wife. Instead of the good hours and the bad hours, she has gotten to the point that there are good days and bad days. A great improvement from when I saw her last year at this time. She went back to work in August, after taking the rest of the year off. But they moved her from the HS where she worked, where he attended and put her somewhere else, to make her feel comfortable about working. The HS was full of too many memories for her, and she couldn't handle it any longer.
When I was talking with her husband he made mention that she can't go grocery shopping any more. He told me that since the son worked at the one store, she could only buy flowers for his memorial twice a week. She was having panic attacks. So he told her to go shopping in Chattanooga, and she did this for a while, but ended up pulling over on the interstate, calling him because she had another panic attack. He said that when you shop for someone for 18 years, you have a hard time looking at things that they would have liked to have had. Yes, this year marks our 18th year together, I don't think it would be easy on me if something happens to Chuck.
I told him that it would be very hard on me, as a mother, if something happened to either one of the boys. I told him that I didn't care what kind of mother you are, when your child is ripped away from you, it does hurt. I also told him that I treasure the moments with the boys more now after what happened with his son. Not that I didn't before all this happened, but little moments seem different now. He told me that other than his own wife he hasn't seem a better mom than me out there. He told me that you always treasured your kids, and it shows. Thank you, I do appreciate that.
While we were talking, he told me that he has picked up the shopping and the rest of the things that was too hard on her to do. Now, that is a very sweet gesture, but he is working full time and doing all that is too much for her to do. She is depressed, she told my little Saturday morning date that all she does is go to work, goes home and goes to bed.
For me, yes, I would be devastated if anything happens to either one of the boys. But I know that for me, for Chuck, for my other child, and for my family, I have to go on with life. Would I miss them? Of course I would. But I also know that I am still here, the Lord has me here. And He will comfort me. It is hard, I know it is. I have seen my dad suffer for 40 years. He never let go, he never lived life like it should be lived. And that is only after 4 years of marriage.
Life goes on, we all know this. We just have to live it every day.